Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
