we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
