I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
