3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize