Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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