I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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