Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
