we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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