On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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