We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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