Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
