So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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