I want to stick my p in your. b.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
