wakey wakey hands off snakey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
