Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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