sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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