apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sext me about skeletons
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
