she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
