that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
