sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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