garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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