I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
