New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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