can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
