why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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