I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
