Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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