drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
