just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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