i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
