walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
