her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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