He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
