brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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