I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's blow job season.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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