If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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