also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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