i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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