the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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