so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to align my fucking chakras
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
