Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
