Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Two words: nipple clamps
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