ya dads aren't the best wingmen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
