and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
