3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
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When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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