The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
