did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
