dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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