grandma shit on top of the toilet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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