You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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