Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
