You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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