I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
