My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
