"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
