WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
