i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
