i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
