I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
