Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
