I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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