Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
