My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
